Five by five: Every episode of Buffy as a limerick

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Today is National Limerick Day and, a few weeks ago, I stumbled across something I need to share with the rest of the internet. I’m a huge fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and also of jaunty poems. What could be better than a combination of the two? The wonderful team at Waffle Meringue Productions have recapped every episode of BtVS in limerick form, with brilliant results (click here for their lengthy take on my favourite episode: Once More with Feeling).

Here are a few taster poems from five of my favourite episodes… make sure to check out WMP’s website for the rest! Continue reading

Betting dangerously

It’s no secret how much I adore everything Robin Hobb does, and how badly I want to get my hands on Assassin’s Fate when it comes out on the 4th May.

It is also no secret that I’m incredibly gifted at procrastination and that 2016 was basically a black hole of progress for me. I have a book to edit and query and I’ve put it off for far too long.

That’s about to change, for I have made a bet. I agreed the terms last night: a book for a book.


I, K. F. Goodacre, will complete my edit of The Elder Throne before the 4th of May 2017. I will present it to my partner (and also my writing partner, S.E. Berrow) on this date. If I fail to do so, the novel Assassin’s Fate by Robin Hobb will be taken from me and I will not be allowed to read it until I have completed what I set out to do, whether this takes days, weeks, months or years.


It’s serious now.

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Pantheon Pt.1 | Sigyn & Loki

The couple were young. Perhaps too young to be making the commitment they just had, but who was I to judge? Over 4,000 years of fidelity to my husband hadn’t made me any wiser.

At least this couple seemed happy.

The crisp Autumn day teased the breath from my mouth in delicate plumes as I watched the bride. She reached up, planting a chaste, mirthful kiss on her groom’s cheek. It looked the best of what my own marriage could have been. I pressed the shutter and the flash burned the image on the film permanently, filling me with the bitter-sweet satisfaction only my job could provide.

Photography. Of all the things humans have invented, photography is my favourite. Its simplicity and accuracy appeals to me like nothing else has in my lifetime; its ability to capture the most fleeting of moments, and preserve forever real and pure emotions.

There is a twisted vicarious pleasure in what I do.

Constance Evergreen, Wedding Photographer. Faithful photographs you’ll love as much as your spouse!

Admittedly, the tagline is a little garish for my taste, but it seems to work.

My husband finds my hobby amusing, but he is as supportive as he can be. He once offered to help me but, after he successfully encouraged the groom to sleep with his bride’s mother ten minutes before the ceremony, I declined further aid.

The new Mr and Mrs. Brown hold each other’s hands aloft for the final snap and I take it, dismissing them afterwards with a cheery promise of candid photos to follow. The crowd disperses and I see him standing still and alone. He leans disrespectfully on a worn headstone, his feet planted firmly on the grave dirt. I let the mortals disappear first before approaching him. Continue reading

#YALC UK | Authors, agents and amazing teens

YALC


This weekend, I attended the Young Adult Literature Convention (YALC) and it was the highlight of my month. That’s not to say the rest of my month has been rubbish – just that my day surrounded by books and favourite authors was really that good.



Some agent advice (and a bit of chickening out)


I got there early as, apart from book talks and signings with authors, the YALC provided chats about publishing: Q&As, How-To’s and general advice that I greedily lapped up. Some of you might know I’m querying my debut novel as we speak, so any snippet of information I could gather was a boon. I spent an hour listening to three very knowledgeable women talking about literary agents and the best approach strategy, and came away feeling slightly securer in my own plans.There was a later one-on-one opportunity to pitch to the agents, but I wasn’t brave enough or properly prepared enough to try that just yet. Baby steps, Goodacre. Baby steps…


Victoria Schwab is a Snorlax


My second goal for the day was to find the elusive V.E.Schwab, author of A Darker Shade of Magic, A Gathering of Shadows, Vicious and This Savage Song. Continue reading

A Changeling’s Guide to… Seelie Slang

Seelie Slang

 As if being stolen by faeries isn’t tough enough, there’s a whole load of new things to learn once you’re in the Seelie Court. Seelie Slang is one of them.

Don’t know your grotsnozzles from your wiffletrots? Don’t let your flucktumble bangboggle you.

Priya Dhawan, Changeling and survival expert, has your back.

FAERIE SLANG HUMAN TRANSLATION IN A SENTENCE…
Badb’s nostrils Oh dear! / Oh no! / A polite expression of dismay “Badb’s nostrils, that’s not good at all…”
Bangboggled Confused “I have to admit, I’m rather bangboggled with the whole thing.”
Clotswob Clumsy “Milo is such a clotswob.”
Dagda’s dangles Excellent “This party is the Dagda’s dangles!”
Flucktumble A difficult position “I’d like to help, really I would, but I’m in a bit of a flucktumble this week.”
Flumweasel The worst person imaginable “Don’t be a flumweasel.”
Globskite Term of affection for a friend who is being an idiot “I love you, but you can be such a globskite at times.”
Gnarlbucket A difficult and annoying person “Burr’s being a gnarlbucket. As usual.”
Go ride a Kelpie Get lost / go away / I hope something extremely unpleasant happens to you “Nettle Reed can go ride a Kelpie for all I care.”
Grotsnozzle A mean person, usually stuck-up, snooty or of high birth “Leander is such a grotsnozzle.”
Macha’s breath Oh my! / Expression of shock “Macha’s breath! What did you do that for?”
Puck’s bottom Oh dear / oh no / an impolite expression of dismay “You want me to do what?? Oh… Puck’s bottom.”
Puck’s ears / nose My goodness! “Puck’s nose, you’re lazy!”
Sludgesnipe A sneaky or a badly behaved person, usually of low birth “How dare you, you utter sludgesnipe!”
Splunktucker Gosh darn it / Expression of distress “Argh! Splunktucker!”
Wiffle Rubbish / nonsense / chatter “Spindle talks a lot of wiffle most of the time.”
Wiffletrot Someone who talks a lot / chatterbox “I know I can be a bit of a wiffletrot at times…”
Wisplet A daydreamer / someone who is flighty or easily distracted “Oh, Spindle. Why are you such a wisplet? Concentrate!”

So, now you understand what on earth the Seelie are saying, all you have to worry about is finding your way around, or avoiding curses, or not eating Faerie food in case you get trapped there forever, or not running into dangerous creatures (like Kelpies) who want to kill you, or…

Good luck.

Rejection, rewrites and jumping off tall buildings (unrelated)

With the exception of my book sale post, it’s been Quite Some Time since I blogged anything worthwhile. I promised you all book reviews and then failed to deliver in spectacular fashion.

Well, I have been reading and the reviews will be forthcoming shortly. It just took me a little while to get my head (and bottom) into gear. Here’s what’s been happening in my neck of the woods:

  • I received my fifth and final rejection letter – possibly the politest of its kind ever written – so decided to revise The Elder Throne yet again before my next query attempt. Just a tad, though.
  • Due to aforementioned rejection letter, which called my manuscript ‘a near miss’, I have also been happily continuing with my book’s sequel, The Winter Court.
  • I signed up to abseil down Canary Wharf in order to raise money for The National Autistic Society. Given I’m not oh-so-fond of heights, being naturally 5ft nothing, this could be the most terrifying decision I’ve ever made.
  • And over-time. So much over-time.

But I’m back from all that – with the exception of the Abseil for Autism, which happens on the 14th May – so business will resume as usual. See you all soon!


If you’d like to find out more about The National Autistic Society, their website is here:

If you’d like to make a donation (no matter how small!) to the fundraising for Abseil for Autism, please check out our JustGiving page. All overheads have already been paid by our company, so 100% donations go directly to the charity.

For reference, I’ll be abseiling…

  • circa 50 times my height.
  • 230 feet.
  • 70.1 metres.
  • In other words, really high.
  • Too high, one might say, but I’ve already handed the form in.

… I’ll let you know if I survive.

 

 

 

Block Be-Gone: A writer who writes once more!

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The final vestiges of my Winter Court writer’s block have disappeared. Woohoo! Specifically, they disappeared on Friday when I finished the final amendments to The Elder Throne, thus freeing up my creative brain space.

It’s been a hard slog through Winter Court so far, and I couldn’t fathom the reason why. I loved the plot and the characters… so why couldn’t I write it? Apparently, it was because my subconscious knew Elder Throne still had some kinks I needed to iron out, and wouldn’t let me leave the manuscript alone before I did.


I should be clear: whilst entertaining this writer’s block, I wrote 23,000 words of Winter Court. I just hated all of them. All. Of. Them. I wanted to write anything but them.

So, now I have my brain back, I’m revamping it. I’ve already redressed Chapter One to my satisfaction, worked out the problem I had with Anna’s nemesis, and added in a new character whom I love and fixes an issue I had with pacing.

Booyah!

1 down. Only 20 more chapters to go…