Betting dangerously

It’s no secret how much I adore everything Robin Hobb does, and how badly I want to get my hands on Assassin’s Fate when it comes out on the 4th May.

It is also no secret that I’m incredibly gifted at procrastination and that 2016 was basically a black hole of progress for me. I have a book to edit and query and I’ve put it off for far too long.

That’s about to change, for I have made a bet. I agreed the terms last night: a book for a book.


I, K. F. Goodacre, will complete my edit of The Elder Throne before the 4th of May 2017. I will present it to my partner (and also my writing partner, S.E. Berrow) on this date. If I fail to do so, the novel Assassin’s Fate by Robin Hobb will be taken from me and I will not be allowed to read it until I have completed what I set out to do, whether this takes days, weeks, months or years.


It’s serious now.

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Pantheon Pt.1 | Sigyn & Loki

The couple were young. Perhaps too young to be making the commitment they just had, but who was I to judge? Over 4,000 years of fidelity to my husband hadn’t made me any wiser.

At least this couple seemed happy.

The crisp Autumn day teased the breath from my mouth in delicate plumes as I watched the bride. She reached up, planting a chaste, mirthful kiss on her groom’s cheek. It looked the best of what my own marriage could have been. I pressed the shutter and the flash burned the image on the film permanently, filling me with the bitter-sweet satisfaction only my job could provide.

Photography. Of all the things humans have invented, photography is my favourite. Its simplicity and accuracy appeals to me like nothing else has in my lifetime; its ability to capture the most fleeting of moments, and preserve forever real and pure emotions.

There is a twisted vicarious pleasure in what I do.

Constance Evergreen, Wedding Photographer. Faithful photographs you’ll love as much as your spouse!

Admittedly, the tagline is a little garish for my taste, but it seems to work.

My husband finds my hobby amusing, but he is as supportive as he can be. He once offered to help me but, after he successfully encouraged the groom to sleep with his bride’s mother ten minutes before the ceremony, I declined further aid.

The new Mr and Mrs. Brown hold each other’s hands aloft for the final snap and I take it, dismissing them afterwards with a cheery promise of candid photos to follow. The crowd disperses and I see him standing still and alone. He leans disrespectfully on a worn headstone, his feet planted firmly on the grave dirt. I let the mortals disappear first before approaching him. Continue reading

A Changeling’s Guide to… Seelie Slang

Seelie Slang

 As if being stolen by faeries isn’t tough enough, there’s a whole load of new things to learn once you’re in the Seelie Court. Seelie Slang is one of them.

Don’t know your grotsnozzles from your wiffletrots? Don’t let your flucktumble bangboggle you.

Priya Dhawan, Changeling and survival expert, has your back.

FAERIE SLANG HUMAN TRANSLATION IN A SENTENCE…
Badb’s nostrils Oh dear! / Oh no! / A polite expression of dismay “Badb’s nostrils, that’s not good at all…”
Bangboggled Confused “I have to admit, I’m rather bangboggled with the whole thing.”
Clotswob Clumsy “Milo is such a clotswob.”
Dagda’s dangles Excellent “This party is the Dagda’s dangles!”
Flucktumble A difficult position “I’d like to help, really I would, but I’m in a bit of a flucktumble this week.”
Flumweasel The worst person imaginable “Don’t be a flumweasel.”
Globskite Term of affection for a friend who is being an idiot “I love you, but you can be such a globskite at times.”
Gnarlbucket A difficult and annoying person “Burr’s being a gnarlbucket. As usual.”
Go ride a Kelpie Get lost / go away / I hope something extremely unpleasant happens to you “Nettle Reed can go ride a Kelpie for all I care.”
Grotsnozzle A mean person, usually stuck-up, snooty or of high birth “Leander is such a grotsnozzle.”
Macha’s breath Oh my! / Expression of shock “Macha’s breath! What did you do that for?”
Puck’s bottom Oh dear / oh no / an impolite expression of dismay “You want me to do what?? Oh… Puck’s bottom.”
Puck’s ears / nose My goodness! “Puck’s nose, you’re lazy!”
Sludgesnipe A sneaky or a badly behaved person, usually of low birth “How dare you, you utter sludgesnipe!”
Splunktucker Gosh darn it / Expression of distress “Argh! Splunktucker!”
Wiffle Rubbish / nonsense / chatter “Spindle talks a lot of wiffle most of the time.”
Wiffletrot Someone who talks a lot / chatterbox “I know I can be a bit of a wiffletrot at times…”
Wisplet A daydreamer / someone who is flighty or easily distracted “Oh, Spindle. Why are you such a wisplet? Concentrate!”

So, now you understand what on earth the Seelie are saying, all you have to worry about is finding your way around, or avoiding curses, or not eating Faerie food in case you get trapped there forever, or not running into dangerous creatures (like Kelpies) who want to kill you, or…

Good luck.

A little of what’s good for you

Tuesday’s Tea: A Minty McGinty. Cocoa and peppermint, mixed with rooibos leaves for a sweet, caffeine free mug of goodness.


So, I’m sitting on the floor in the corner of my room, slowly letting my bottom fall asleep. My nieces have taken all the comfortable writing spots in the house, but that’s okay. Such are the trials a writer has to face when they write in a family household. Another such trial is attempting to concentrate when a five-year old is singing ‘Walk Like an Egyptian’ whilst dressed like a Pharaoh. Also cartwheels.

So. Many. Cartwheels.

Today is the second of three days I took off work to make some headway with The Winter Court. I’ve changed the plot of this book three times, so you know it’s giving me some trouble. I finally settled on a path I like very much, but now I have to get the words down. And not just any words. The right words, in the right order.

I’ll be honest, it’s hard to do when you’ve got a full house. I’ve been compensating for this difficulty with plentiful cups of Minty McGinty and a large slice of Surprise Victoria Spongecake.


Let me explain about Surprise Victoria Spongecake. Continue reading

Block Be-Gone: A writer who writes once more!

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The final vestiges of my Winter Court writer’s block have disappeared. Woohoo! Specifically, they disappeared on Friday when I finished the final amendments to The Elder Throne, thus freeing up my creative brain space.

It’s been a hard slog through Winter Court so far, and I couldn’t fathom the reason why. I loved the plot and the characters… so why couldn’t I write it? Apparently, it was because my subconscious knew Elder Throne still had some kinks I needed to iron out, and wouldn’t let me leave the manuscript alone before I did.


I should be clear: whilst entertaining this writer’s block, I wrote 23,000 words of Winter Court. I just hated all of them. All. Of. Them. I wanted to write anything but them.

So, now I have my brain back, I’m revamping it. I’ve already redressed Chapter One to my satisfaction, worked out the problem I had with Anna’s nemesis, and added in a new character whom I love and fixes an issue I had with pacing.

Booyah!

1 down. Only 20 more chapters to go…

Earning My Stripes: My first rejection

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Those of you who tune into my Twitter feed may have already seen my first real milestone. On Friday, I received my first rejection letter for a query re. The Elder Throne.

It was an exceptionally polite and nice rejection letter, and I wouldn’t mind receiving such a missive again from them. Obviously, the basic message was still ‘no thank you’, which led me to conclude four things:

  1. Rejection isn’t as heart-crushingly awful as I thought it would be.
  2. My fellow writer friends (notably Lucy Flint, S.E. Berrow, Julie Hutchings and Mandy Rabin) are lovely, lovely people.
  3. The Elder Throne may not be as finished as I thought it was (but I’m waiting to make a decision on that one until after I receive replies from the outstanding 4 queries I sent).
  4. I can absolutely do this writing thing.

Continue reading

Where the wild things are: Sending my first query into the world

On Friday 11th December, I was taken by a somewhat reckless desire to send my first query into the world. As you might know, I’ve been working on my query approach and manuscript submission for the last two months, but I hadn’t considered sending anything off until the new year. The reasons for this were that I was told not to by every Internet source on book queries. Hence why I consider my desire (and subsequent action) reckless.

Let’s make no bones about this: I’m wholeheartedly expecting a rejection.

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I’m not even at the ‘I’m expecting a no but secretly hoping for an offer’ stage – I will be utterly shocked if I’m met with anything but a form rejection letter/email.  Continue reading