Part of the 52 Week Blog Challenge
Fair warning: this post will make me sound like a really angry person. I swear I’m not usually, I promise.
I have two pet peeves, one ‘serious’, which is bigotry in all its forms (sexism, homophobia, racism, xenophobia, you name it). That needs no explanation. Intolerance and ignorance are the worst things to ever be accused of in my view, as there is no excuse for either. Bigots are a waste of air and should learn to get along in the modern world instead of wanting to send us all back to the dark ages.
My ‘not-so-serious’ pet peeve, which is the one I’ll be talking about today, is ‘chewing loudly’.
Dear Loud Chewers,
There is no excuse for this. You are not cows, chewing cud all the live-long day. I appreciate that some foods generate more noise than others, so if you’re eating nuts or an apple, okay, I get it. I can deal with that. But sucking loudly on boiled sweets and making that smacking sound with your lips when you do it? Dear God, where were you raised? I’ve known dogs that eat quieter than you and they have no sense of social etiquette!
You know who you are, as well. You’re the co-worker who sits just far enough away that people can’t make a jokey comment about you eating rocks, but just near enough that the sound of your tuna salad sandwich makes me want to stick a pen in your left eye.
You’re the person who didn’t eat breakfast at home so instead of grabbing something on the way into work, you eat on the train, and slurp and crunch your way through a bowl of cereal because for some reason having a bowl of cereal on a busy commuter train seems like a good idea?!
And, just for the record, eating on a train at all is just bad manners, unless it’s a long-haul journey across the country, you’re diabetic and have low blood sugar, or you missed lunch that day and you’re absolutely starving.
But eating crunchy food on a train is unforgivable. As I said, there are valid reasons for eating whilst travelling. But crunchy food? Really? On a busy train, surrounded by people who all want to kill you either because you’re disturbing them or they’re hungry themselves, is just inconsiderate. It’s cruel, to force people to share space with you and then torture them with your endless grinding teeth and lip-smacking, disgusting, open-mouthed eating habits. And you know what? Usually, you’re wearing headphones whilst you eat, so the only people who are suffering from your handy snack are those around you, because you can’t hear how loud you’re being. Here’s a thought – if you’re eating in public, try doing it without headphones in your ears, because then you might be able to gauge how socially unacceptable you’re being. It’s either that or have my bag smack you in the face. Your choice.
Grow up and get some manners.
A Loud Chewer Hater.
The other day, I became irrationally angry at a woman sitting opposite me on the train who was crunching, then sucking, a single stick of celery for fifteen minutes. FIFTEEN MINUTES. I’ve eaten celery before, under duress. There’s no way that her stick of celery tasted so good she needed to loudly molest it in public for a quarter of an hour. WHO EATS CELERY ON A TRAIN?! WHO EATS CELERY AT ALL?! IF YOU’RE GOING TO EAT LOUDLY AT LEAST MAKE IT SOMETHING TASTY.
My friends laugh at me, especially S.E.Berrow, who doesn’t understand why I find the noise of people eating loudly so “expletively” annoying. I honestly don’t understand how anyone can’t find it annoying. Rustling crisp packets, sucking your teeth to get out the bits stuck between them, making that slurping sound when you drink, smacking your lips together to get the last of the saucy flavour from your lunch, crunching things that have no business being crunched because they have nothing. crunchy. in. them…. how does everyone else hear these things and not want to explode in a fiery ball of rage?
From a logical point of view, it’s entirely possible that I have misophonia, which is where a certain set of background noises trigger a negative response in a person, including incoherent rage. But really? I think you all should just close your mouths when you chew and try to consider the others around you, because you were not raised in a barn and unless you have a genuine hearing problem yourself, you must surely be aware of how loud you are when you eat. No one likes a loud chewer.
Don’t be that person.